I am that person who tries to look at the positive side of everything. When a friend is going through it, I always try to help them find the silver lining. Man, I can play it off so well that I have everything together, like I have all the answers. The annoying thing is that in reality when it comes to my personal problems, I am a disaster. And of course, in the eyes of everyone else miss positive is okay.
My thoughts have been very fruitful lately. I think I’m finally getting to the point where I am questioning what does it mean to be happy? I really don’t think this is a bad thing… but actually think it is something everyone should think about.
America has this “ideal idea” of what happiness and successful but that does not it has to be YOUR idea of happiness.
It’s been a month since I last wrote something… I told you I wouldn’t even write that often.
That’s going to change though.
My life is again in shambles… and I am lost as ever.
Welcome to my life.
Woke up fifteen minutes before I had to get to work today, but that is something that I am pretty used to…. which is annoying. I have a horrible sleep pattern to say the least, and I am the heaviest sleeper. Someone can literally slap me while I am sleep and I will still be sleeping like a baby.
I walked into work about twenty minutes late, mainly due to the fact that my car was frosted over and it took me an additional ten minutes just to be able to see where I was going.
Walked into the dining room at my job and said good morning to all the residents and was greeted with about twenty sleepy smiles, and just like that my day was made.
January 6, 2016
Page 6 of 366
January 5, 2016.
I am gonna be THAT girl and yell out the infamous line “new year new me”. I came into this year without a resolution honestly, and on the fifth day of January I still don’t really have one. Yet, it is 2016 and I feel like its going to be my year. WHY?
Because the past two years have been SHIT. okay, let me not sound ungrateful. They have been alright, but there have been things that have definitely impacted me in a tremendous way and I can say I have not made the greatest choices. I have grew a lot, and there have been amazing things that have happened to me in the past year but I just know 2016 is gonna be great. and I am gonna tell you why……
BUT, before I even get to writing I want to say.. idc if no one reads this, if one person reads this or if all my followers and more reads this. This blog is more for me than for anyone else. I am NOT a writer. No seriously, I hateeeeeee English and almost everything that has to do with it (I do like to read certain genres). Whatever, my point is. Do not expect greatness from this, this is 45% for fun, 55% for me to become a better me.
K back to what I was saying,
Approximately two hours before this blog I was laying on my carpet floor in my master bedroom sobbing, I mean sobbing. It was one thing that led to me crying and then I started thinking about how much I “hate” my life (I hope I am not the only one that does this).
THEN, I grabbed my beat headphones and played with the volume up, the one song that can literally pick me up no matter how low I am feeling: Don’t look down – Ryan Harris.
FYI: This song has helped me sooooo much in the past two years ever since my dad passed away with Lung Cancer in March 2014.
Any who, I grabbed this coral colored notebook/diary/journal looking thing that has been buried away in one of my drawers for months that literally has nothing but chicken scratch on about three pages.. and I started writing with the song on repeat.
And I mean I started writing….. I spilled about two years of my life in like 15 minutes on 9 blank pages.. On how I thought I was happy, and how I just thought my life was falling perfectly in place, to making mistakes, feeling helpless and then stating where I am now.
The thing is for as a long as I can remember I’ve wanted to write, especially when I was too confused and emotionally exhausted with my thoughts but never did… and now I’m like what the hell is stopping me? NOTADAMTHING.
Where am I now ? good question.
I am not too sure.
I know I am not a horrible person and I know I am not totally lost and for the most part I know who I am. However, I know there are so many areas that I want to improve, and there so may things I want to do.
So, this blog is for me to document everything. I am not gonna start off by making a list of goals or things that this blog is gonna consist of because I HAVE NO CLUE. I don’t even know how often I will write.
Warning: my life is not that interesting, so again don’t expect greatness.